goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
