I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize