we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
