dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
