Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
