Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
