you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
