she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
