So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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