Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
