i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They took my balls.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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