So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
