is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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