I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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