Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
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I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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