he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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