were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
