Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We need to get me chipped asap
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
