Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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