i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
