Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
