The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
