I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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