drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP