Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.