i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!