Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
please don't ironically join a cult
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