Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks