phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
