you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
