i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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