when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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