it hurts more in the daytime
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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