wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
