He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
