I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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