so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
