can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
