i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
