i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Drunk is not a location!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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