She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
