You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
