Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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