How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
