The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
