New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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