If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
