Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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