PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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