Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
