Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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