It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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