how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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