Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize