Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
