You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
there is glitter all over my balls
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
