once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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