The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
