Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize