Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
