i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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