You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
