i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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