you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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