mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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