I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
