white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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