shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
