No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
