I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
they're like a gay fantastic four
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
