What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
