do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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