I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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