Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
